Self Control as a Skill

Photo by S Migaj on Unsplash

Sometimes, when I’m not conscious of myself, some things can just trigger something from my past, let’s say, when someone says something that I really don’t like, I could just lose my temper without any warning, and react to it with rage, and after going through that and now looking back at it, I can tell that it was something that triggered an unhappy moment from my past that really triggered me because it was just a sudden surge of all these emotions that I’ve been trying to repress over the years, as I’m sure most of you can relate with as well, and I realized that it wasn’t the best way to live my life and act as a person. So when I had the chance to go on Instagram live with perhaps the best clinical hypnotherapist that I know of, Qintari Aninditha, I asked her if there were anything that I can do to help me control myself, act as a trigger and a barrier to stop me from reacting with the rage in the way I have been reacting with all these years.

She said that, like everything else in life, self-control is all about practice, and believe it or not, it’s a skill that everyone eventually learns as they get older. No one is born with this innate control over the way they feel and the way they react. As a human being, it’s just not natural to be in this pure state of consciousness all the time, and if you want to enter into that state every now and then and feel natural in it, then you will have to practice to make it the norm instead of letting it be one of those golden moments where everything just simply aligns and everything goes perfectly well, and I agree.

Either by writing your feelings down in a journal, objectifying your feelings, or by sitting with the feeling and asking yourself the very important question of where you think that feeling is coming from, you can then probe deeper into that feeling to really hone in on why it’s there, and what it’s trying to tell you, because most of the time, your feelings are simply just trying to tell you something, and since it’s such a strange way of conveying a message, you will need to learn and train yourself to really analyze those feelings and get to the core of it to really understand the message that your feelings are trying to send you.

You should also set boundaries because if you don’t then it will just lead to something worse. You need to set your boundaries especially when you’re trying to investigate the feelings that you’re having and learn to not drown in the emotions that you’re feeling because if you do, then it will not only be worse for you because you have to start over at square one, but also because then your efforts become useless because you’re just repeating the mistake that you’re trying to avoid and change in the first place.

One of the things that can really help those of you who are trying to learn this skill and make it the norm, according to Qintari, is to meditate. Because look, meditation isn’t the most exciting thing in the pure concept of it, but the things that you can achieve through meditation are simply too good for you to not even give it a try. Meditation lets you sit with your feelings and analyze them on your own terms, because, oftentimes we let ourselves be drowned at the moment and not realize that we’re reacting and doing things that are setting us back instead of helping us move forward in the things that we want to achieve. This is where meditation is not only a great idea but also one of the best methods that can truly help us get our feelings in check and analyzed thoroughly.

This is also one of the reasons why people hate meditating, because when you meditate, what you’re doing is effectively just watching your thoughts as they go past you like watching things on a TV screen, and when you do this, you’re supposed to confront those feelings analyze them, and realize why you felt that way and reacted that way, but here’s the thing, most people don’t know that, and they end up hating meditating as a result because they think that it makes them feel worse since they don’t know what to do with those thoughts and those feelings, when in reality your consciousness is bringing those things up so that you can see them for what they are in their true form, removed from all of the circumstances and situations that make them so overwhelming in the first place; you’re simply watching them happen, you’re not a part of it.

Journaling is also another thing that you can try to achieve the same effect because the more you do it, the more you practice, you’ll create a pattern in your brain because you have to write those thoughts down, and as you analyze them, your brain has a much easier time to remember what those thoughts are and what you’ve come up with to help combat them, so that the next time you feel that way, or are in a situation that triggered something in you to make you feel a certain way, you’ll know how to react and how to process those thoughts so that they no longer overwhelm you the way they did initially. Journaling also helps us to identify the feelings, because, let’s be honest, feelings can be quite confusing sometimes, and journaling is designed to help us straighten everything in a way that works for us.

There are many ways for us to control and confront our emotions, but after talking to Qintari, I realized that like everything else in life, control is all about practice, practice practice. I’m surely going to put that knowledge into work the next time I get the chance, and you should make sure that you do the same.

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Personal Branding Coach and Creator of House of Leaders, a leadership community with 1.3million followers on Instagram.

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Brilliant Liu

Brilliant Liu

Personal Branding Coach and Creator of House of Leaders, a leadership community with 1.3million followers on Instagram.

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